Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn.

3 min read

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JeannieHowlett's avatar
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Well, as you all can see, I've not been showing up for a long moment.

The truth is, I'm sitting here every fuckin' day, every fuckin' hour of my miserable life and I just keep staring at the screen, being unable to write/draw/make/what-fuckin-ever something and it drives me crazy.
Okay, I also keep staring at Brian's to-die-for ass or Justin's cute smile, but it's nothing you should be worried about, I'm just being pervy, as usual.  

Last few months of my life were really crazy. Things are changing too quickly to me. I told myself to stop planning my future, because it never works and it just makes me upset. I was thinking about my prom, I was fascinating what dress I'd like to wear and suddenly my mother just comes to my room, crying and tells me we can't afford pay my school anymore and I'll have to change the school. BOOM! So my prom is never gonna happen with my present schoolmates. Whatever. It's not like I love them to death. I was... just counting on them in my future, you know what I mean?
And I don't like my present school now, either, but I just got used to it. I can't imagine my morning without traveling, which takes 30 minutes or my morning cigarette on the bus stop. My present school isn't in my hometown, which makes me feel safe, because in that town, nobody knows me. The school, I'm going to now, is in my hometown. I'm afraid of it. I was bullied and lots of my ex-classmates go to that school. I don't wanna meet them everyday and see their smiles like nothing ever happened.

Actually, I don't wanna go to any school. It's fucked up.

I wanna play guitar so badly. I've signed myself for lessons, so I hope I'll learn something. Personally, as I watch Mr. Iero... I won't be like the most talented guitar student, if you got my point.

I'm in crazy relationship. Well, actually I'm not and that's why I call it crazy. Probably, you have to do more things together than just have sex to call it a relationship.  

I feel terribly untalented. That's why I wanna do some graphic so badly.

I can't wait to paint my room. I need to put on those fuckin' posters!!! And make it all shiny and retro. Yay.
© 2011 - 2024 JeannieHowlett
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