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Well, as you all can see, I've not been showing up for a long moment.
The truth is, I'm sitting here every fuckin' day, every fuckin' hour of my miserable life and I just keep staring at the screen, being unable to write/draw/make/what-fuckin-ever something and it drives me crazy.
Okay, I also keep staring at Brian's to-die-for ass or Justin's cute smile, but it's nothing you should be worried about, I'm just being pervy, as usual.
Last few months of my life were really crazy. Things are changing too quickly to me. I told myself to stop planning my future, because it never works and it just makes me upset. I was thinking about my prom, I was fascinating what dress I'd like to wear and suddenly my mother just comes to my room, crying and tells me we can't afford pay my school anymore and I'll have to change the school. BOOM! So my prom is never gonna happen with my present schoolmates. Whatever. It's not like I love them to death. I was... just counting on them in my future, you know what I mean?
And I don't like my present school now, either, but I just got used to it. I can't imagine my morning without traveling, which takes 30 minutes or my morning cigarette on the bus stop. My present school isn't in my hometown, which makes me feel safe, because in that town, nobody knows me. The school, I'm going to now, is in my hometown. I'm afraid of it. I was bullied and lots of my ex-classmates go to that school. I don't wanna meet them everyday and see their smiles like nothing ever happened.
Actually, I don't wanna go to any school. It's fucked up.
I wanna play guitar so badly. I've signed myself for lessons, so I hope I'll learn something. Personally, as I watch Mr. Iero... I won't be like the most talented guitar student, if you got my point.
I'm in crazy relationship. Well, actually I'm not and that's why I call it crazy. Probably, you have to do more things together than just have sex to call it a relationship.
I feel terribly untalented. That's why I wanna do some graphic so badly.
I can't wait to paint my room. I need to put on those fuckin' posters!!! And make it all shiny and retro. Yay.
The truth is, I'm sitting here every fuckin' day, every fuckin' hour of my miserable life and I just keep staring at the screen, being unable to write/draw/make/what-fuckin-ever something and it drives me crazy.
Okay, I also keep staring at Brian's to-die-for ass or Justin's cute smile, but it's nothing you should be worried about, I'm just being pervy, as usual.
Last few months of my life were really crazy. Things are changing too quickly to me. I told myself to stop planning my future, because it never works and it just makes me upset. I was thinking about my prom, I was fascinating what dress I'd like to wear and suddenly my mother just comes to my room, crying and tells me we can't afford pay my school anymore and I'll have to change the school. BOOM! So my prom is never gonna happen with my present schoolmates. Whatever. It's not like I love them to death. I was... just counting on them in my future, you know what I mean?
And I don't like my present school now, either, but I just got used to it. I can't imagine my morning without traveling, which takes 30 minutes or my morning cigarette on the bus stop. My present school isn't in my hometown, which makes me feel safe, because in that town, nobody knows me. The school, I'm going to now, is in my hometown. I'm afraid of it. I was bullied and lots of my ex-classmates go to that school. I don't wanna meet them everyday and see their smiles like nothing ever happened.
Actually, I don't wanna go to any school. It's fucked up.
I wanna play guitar so badly. I've signed myself for lessons, so I hope I'll learn something. Personally, as I watch Mr. Iero... I won't be like the most talented guitar student, if you got my point.
I'm in crazy relationship. Well, actually I'm not and that's why I call it crazy. Probably, you have to do more things together than just have sex to call it a relationship.
I feel terribly untalented. That's why I wanna do some graphic so badly.
I can't wait to paint my room. I need to put on those fuckin' posters!!! And make it all shiny and retro. Yay.
My own secret ceremonials
So here I am, again. Do you still remember me? A crazy girl, who changed completely and still thinks she can change the world? Do you?
Well, maybe I should tell ya about what happened, if it's the right word.
When I was 9 or 10, I heard a bit of My Chemical Romance's Bury me in black. I still remember that feeling when Gerard's screaming voice reached my ears, my mind, my heart. It was pulsating, exploding, I could hear that in every cell I had... It's raw song, full of frustration and pain and it hit me so roughly I forgot about everything in that moment. It was just me and my beating heart, my whole universe was painted black and red and
Close the book.
You know that feeling. The story's over. Close the book.
It's like the end. You don't know what to think. You're lost. You're alone even with the people around you. You smile, but your smile is fake. You laugh, but only with your tears. You see shadows in sunny place. Even if you don't see them, you know they're here.
She's gone for ever! - I know when one is dead, and when one lives; She's dead as earth.
Then you get it. You cannot live without being sad and powerless. So, you won't. You'll keep cry till the end of times. 'Cos you like it .
Accept the pain, always forgive.
One moment you look completely alive, like you have some kind o
And when I'm gone you won't remember.
Let's face it, guys, this life sucks. It's all fucking joke, right, Eddie?
I'm so bored by my existence. Well, I know I'm spoiled brat (who cares!) and I'm probably weary by fucking industrialization (that crippled the globe) and I'm still better off than poor african children (I don't care about them at all) also - I'm not doing very well.
I need to do something - anything. I don't care. I feel that my life flows among my fingers. Well, I'm person of 21 century - all I know is computer (but that's not my fault at all, if others wouldn't be so fucked up, I'd be with them, not with computer). I'm kinda scared of future, I'm scared that one
I was tagged... 3 months ago :P
Yeah, my perfect ~Lizziey (https://www.deviantart.com/lizziey) tagged me in the March and I was too lazy to complete it. But I'm so bored now, so I'm doing it :aww: Have fun!
001. Real name Simone, but I preffer Jeannie - I feel like Jeanns in my heart.
002. Nickname(s) Jeanns, Jeannie, Ophelia
003. Zodiac sign Gemini
004. Male or female Female
005. Elementary no
006. Middle School yes
007. High School no
008. Hair color red
009. Long or short long
010. Loud or Quiet Much more loud, much less quiet.
011. Sweats or Jeans Jeans
012. Phone or Camera Camera
013. Health or freak
© 2011 - 2024 JeannieHowlett
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